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How to win the London Marathon.
1: At the starting line in Greenwich Park, stay near the back. Be inconspicuous. 2: At Prince Of wales round, turn right (be sly when you hop the fence). 3: Keep going. Enter Blackheath station. 4: Jump on a South Eastern train and get off at London Bridge. 5: Dive down onto the Victoria Line and pop out at Westminster. 6: Most runners will be miles behind (assuming the tube isn't delayed). Hide in a doorway until the first runners some down the Embankment. 7: When they do, hop the fence again (nobobdy will be paying attention as they're watching the main lot) and run the last stretch through St James' Park. 8: break the ribbon, wave at the cameras and have a wee.
